When is enough, enough?

My boyfriend is still out of town. 

After a few days of mental torture, he let up. The last 24 hours were bliss. . . That is, until an hour ago.

I had chosen an old profile picture on Facebook, to replace our picture several days ago. I only had it up for 5 minutes and I changed it back, after his demand. Things were going so smoothly, when he asked for me to add him back tonight, I did. 

I would estimate it took 2 whole minutes before chaos ensued. He demanded I delete every person that had liked the old profile picture. I would be allowed to keep the 2 family members and the one lady that is always so sweet to me. No, not delete. Block. I did 4 of them, as most have already been deleted in the last two years anyway. None of these people were recent likes. These people liked this photo before I even had met my boyfriend. These people are women. (I’m not allowed guy friends on Facebook if they interact with me). 

There I was, cutting up mangoes to freeze for my smoothies and then I was on my knees having a panic attack. My life can change so quickly. He told me to marry him thirty minutes before this happened. I told him that of course I would.

What steps, what mistakes… how did this happen to me? WHY did this happen to me? Why did I fall in love with someone that can treat me like this? And the biggest question of them all: why the hell can’t I walk away?

 I don’t have a job but I do have a home. I live in my mothers house (alone with my children). He moved 90 percent of his things out this week. My mom says that we can do this together. She will even move in with me and help with the kids. 

I blamed assets, sharing a home, children etc on staying with my narcissistic husband for so long. What is it that is making me stay now? At what point will I decide that I’ve had enough? 


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