Before I hit bottom, I was a Christian but let’s just say I had A LOT of room for growth. Going through all the loss I did put me in a place wanting more. I ended up becoming closer to God.
One night while a sermon was playing, he always listens to sermons before bed, my heart was tugged more than ever and I started praying more. I even read the bible almost every day now.
In the middle of the night two nights ago, I was made to listen to a sermon on lying. Then after, I was made to listen to another. After fighting all day and being emotionally exhausted, I couldn’t help but fall asleep. I dozed at first, got woken up, and then really fell asleep. I was yelled at.
He’s called me a child of the devil over and over since we listened to that sermon. You can’t even comprehend how mentally damaging that is.
Ive thought about suicide so many times in the last two days. Ive imagined cutting my wrists with my purple knife.
I feel as if I don’t have a future. I can’t find a job. I don’t want to go through this custody battle. I don’t want my name smeared in court. I don’t want to start over again. I’ve lost everything. I just want peace.