When you walk away from a narcisstic marriage, no one says it’s going to be easy. They tell you will struggle. You’ll have trouble finding yourself again. You probably will need therapy because every part of you is damaged.
I knew it all when I left because I thought about leaving for a long time. I even had a secret board on my Pinterest for Narcissistic Abuse. I knew it all.
I made plans and threw them out the window. I ended up leaving unexpectedly and went into the dark. It was easier than I thought.
But no one told me I’d fall in love with the next level of crazy. I lost my job. I lost everything I had. The pieces of me that were left have been carefully picked up, piece by piece, smashed with a hammer and then set on fire. When you are in love, you share your darkest secrets, your biggest insecurities. When that person is a psychopath, they attack those parts of you. I imagine this relationship on a very steep mountain. I keep getting brought up highers, only to be dropped off the edge of a cliff. He sees that Im still breathing so he drags me up higher the next time.
Today, he made me feel secure. He updated his profile picture on Facebook to us. He changed his relationship status (after being blank for months as a punishment). He promised to help me with our electric bill and a consultation fee with a lawyer for my divorce. But I painted my nails today and wore a tank top. So now all Facebook is being changed again, he’s going to a bar, and he dumped me. I have to be punished.